Column 8
Sydney Morning Herald
Friday July 18, 2008
The following item has been sent in by a previous editor of Column 8, and as such we can't name him. But John (oops!) has a theory on the legless seagulls we've been discussing here for some days. "Everyone knows that seagulls bite one leg off so that they get more sympathy from people at the beach, and therefore get fed more hot chips than two-legged gulls." Stands to reason.
"In Parramatta," reports Steve Barrett, of Glenbrook, "there is a sign in a florist shop window: 'Getting married? Come in and ask for a quote.' I'm not an accountant, but it would be prudent to tell anyone who is engaged that marriage is going to cost you squillions." "The surprise and delight of American tourists on finding that Mass and the Lord's Prayer in other English-speaking countries are the same as 'back home'," writes Ken Vincent, of Buderim, Queensland (Column 8, of late), "reminded me of my first visit to Hong Kong. I booked a half-day mini-bus tour to see the main sights quickly. Passengers were collected from several Kowloon hotels and two American ladies got in and announced that they came from Hawaii. After driving through the New Territories, with balconies festooned with lines of laundry, one of the ladies said, 'Say, driver, will this tour take us through China Town?' "It gets worse, naturally. Laurie Wigney, of Huntleys Cove, reports: "A Bridge Climb guide told me of an American tourist, on one of the dusk climbs, who asked, 'Is that the same moon as we see in the USA?' On the way down, after a North Shore train thundered past, his wife said, 'Gee, you Aussies are so cute. You even give names to your trains. That one was called Gordon.' "Turn off that light in the empty room and turn down the heater, is our advice, after receiving this climatic wake-up call from Suzanna Wood, of Cromer: "I have just come in from our backyard where I experienced a familiar spring scent. The first jasmine is out, in a sheltered corner which catches the afternoon sun. That's on July 16!"Speaking of which, we recently heard a wonderful explanation of the difference between climate and weather, which instantly explains the meaning of both words to children. "Miss Jones is normally so calm and happy (the climate) but she was in a really bad mood today (the weather).""George Zivkovic asked Column 8 whether the Markers situated around Homebush Bay that mirror the Southern Cross are a coincidence or not," writes Murray Howlett, of Regents Park. "They are definitely not a coincidence, but were part of the design of the Olympic precinct." Really? "Litotes [Column 8, yesterday] is not stating theopposite of what one means," insists David Morrison, of Springwood. "Itis understatement used to emphasise something, usually expressed as a negative to emphasise a positive. For example, 'Bill Gates has no little wealth.' "
© 2008 Sydney Morning Herald
Share This